Thursday, June 14, 2012

Kundalini Midwestern Hospitality

Moments ago, in a half-hearted attempt to get energized, I tried to cajole a friend into smacking me around our office. She flat out refused. Coiling a long sun-kissed lock of her blond hair around her pinkie finger and with a slight widening of her bright blue eyes, she drawled:
You know, if I had a penis, it'd be a big one {gestures to her entire forearm for a size comparison} and I'd be thick, too. I would do you right here {vehemently points to the floor for emphasis} and I'd say, "Bend over and grab your toes, bitch." In fact, I'd even spank you (and you know I don't like violence). If I had a penis, I'd be everything you wanted in a man and a woman--
Clinging to the counter in front of me for support, I was forced to cut her monologue short. Dreamily, I swooned, "You have no idea what you're doing for me right now. No idea...."

Smiling sanguinely, she asked if I felt like I could now make it through the rest of my day.