Thursday, September 30, 2010

In Honor of Masturbation (or Why Christine O’Donnell Should Go Fuck Herself)

As many of you know, I am a huge proponent of masturbation.  [If you are a family member, or Christine O’Donnell, you’ll probably want to stop reading this, now.]  My philosophy on self-pleasure is best described by a phrase typically associated with voting: [masturbate] early--and often!  This is a vital activity for all of the usually cited reasons:  it relieves stress, it is educational*, and of course, it feels fantabulous.  Not to mention the fact that manual stimulation can occur with a lover (or to a lover) and no one gets pregnant or sick (protection that doesn’t cost a dime!).

On a semi-related note, this past weekend I attempted to finish Symmetry (again).  I’ve been steadily picking my way through this book for weeks and the process is downright atrocious. To explain, the authors rely heavily on equations to explore the subject of symmetry (as it relates to Emmy Noether’s theorem). Their use of equations would not normally be an issue (I’m not one to shy away from a little math) except for the fact that the authors assume that their readers have some familiarity with the basic symbolic notation involved in physics, and since I’ve never taken a formal physics class in my life, this has proven somewhat problematic for me.

When my eyes begin to glaze over from information overload (and absolutely no one can casually overwhelm the average reader like a Nobel Laureate and theoretical astrophysicist can), my hand begins to drift toward my lady bits. I then take a small break from my reading**.  You see, I have this unusual fetish (if you want to call it that) involving higher education.  My sexualization of academia seems to have taken root as a consequence of my having repeatedly watched the library scene with Lara Flynn Boyle in Threesome (which you can and should watch here) during my formative adolescent years.  As a consequence, it seems that I adore big words, too. I also enjoy big concepts.  There is something terrifically sexy regarding enormously active brains.  Probably the sense of mastery involved (or maybe I am equating intellectual mastery with sexual mastery -- truth be told, these things go hand-in-hand more often than you might presume). 

Regardless, I've still got a good one hundred pages remaining to read, so I'll undoubtedly have a colossally stimulating weekend ahead of me.  

Om shanti,
la Contra Yogini



*Seriously, if you want to be a fantastic lover, masturbate. A lot. Then masturbate with your partner. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn from such a seemingly elementary activity.

**Hmm...maybe it isn’t the equations that are the trouble - maybe it is the masturbatory interludes, but I digress.