Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Crushing

Approximately eleven years ago I lost my hetero virginity in the back seat of a car parked on South Grand in front of Cheap Trx to a beautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy (which isn't even the half of that story; it also involves the infamous line by my girlfriend, "If you don't fuck her right this minute, I am going to come back there and fuck her myself!").

Flash forward over a decade.  The boy and I start talking again after many years of no contact.  He has overcome a terrible addiction, gotten married, gotten divorced, and had a son, who is now almost elementary school aged.  In many respects he is the same boy who I've known since junior high school.  In other ways, he has changed thoroughly and unexpectedly.  Somehow, our friendship has not changed much at all.  We still engage in extremely heated debates, we still laugh ourselves gelastic, we still connect on a deeper level than most (and he still consistently beats me in chess - the bastard).

Small wonder that the crush I've had on him since I was thirteen has wholeheartedly reasserted itself.  What didn't make a whole lot of sense back then makes even less sense now.  What is more, last night he revealed to me something that would make most women run screaming in the opposite direction.  But not me.  I felt that much closer to him and I also wanted to save him from himself.  After I told him so, he somewhat flippantly, somewhat incredulously, responded with, "Why the self-destructive behavior, Jen?  What is that all about?"

Indeed.